The Big secret of Dealing with People
Sigmund Frued said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: sex urge and desire to be great- THE DESIRE TO BE IMPORTANT. Almost all wants are gratified except one “Desire to be great”, which is seldom gratified. Lincoln once began a letter saying “Everybody likes a compliment”. William James said “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”. The desire for the feeling of the importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and animals.
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you. The craving to be appreciated is so intense that people get insane and in their insanity they find happiness. If some people are so hungry for the feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving the people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
Charles Schwab at his time was one of the most highly paid person just because of his ability to deal with people. He said “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,”, “the greatest assets I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as criticism from others.
The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
The world is full of people who are grabbing and self seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage he has little competition.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Napoleon once said, “It the individual who is not interested in his fellow men, who has the greatest difficulties in life and provide the greatest injury to the others. It is among such individual that all human failures spring.”
How to win people’s attention
- Avoid conversation killers
- Develop your thoughts on interesting topics
- Learn how to ask questions
- Memorize surefire conversation starters
- Remember Names
- Practice the skills of good conversation.
Exercise
Write an idea or a thought from
anywhere in this world that stimulate your thinking and excites you and share
it with everybody which can attract everybody’s attention.
- AVOID CONVERSATION KILLERS: For example:
- Don’t be ridiculous.
- I know exactly what you are thinking.
- That will never work.
- Are you crazy?
- When I was your age I always…….
- Everybody should……
- You shouldn’t think that way.
- How many times I have told you…..
- DEVELOP YOUR THOUGHTS ON INTRESTING TOPICS:
Almost any topic is suitable for interesting discussion whether it is on
sports, music, politics, hobbies, stock market, movies, etc. Your thoughts and
feeling on any topic are important because they represent you. But if this is
true, why are so many conversations boring? They lack 4 essential elements of
an interesting conversation.
- When our conversation bores other, it is often
because we don’t Think before we
speak; we don’t consider what will interest the other person.
- We don’t Assert
ourselves; we don’t share our deeper thoughts or feelings, especially
when they differ with prevailing opinion.
- We don’t Listen
intently to what others have said; we miss the clues to deeper meaning
that could fire up conversation with warmth, humor, or significance.
- We don’t Know
what to talk about; we don’t look for bits of knowledge that can expand
our vision of the world or increase our appreciation of the mysteries of
the universe and of each other.
When you look
for ideas that stimulate your thinking and excite your sense of wonder you will
find them. You will have no trouble sharing them because your enthusiasm will
attract and hold the attention of your conversational partner.
3. LEARN HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS
There are three
major benefits of asking good questions.
- Earning the right to be heard.
- Meeting a need for attention in other people, thus
establishing a rapport and winning friends.
- Learning something new.
The questions
you ask will work best when they reflect your genuine interest and your sense
of what is appropriate to the situation.
Here are the
following useful techniques which you can put into practice.
a.
Recognize that in every encounter there are some
emotions involved. If you are sensitive to those feelings your questions will
most likely be appreciated.
b.
Make your purpose clear. When you start asking
questions, the other person wonders, “Why does he want to know?” When you state
your purpose even if it’s “Just for information,” you break down the barrier.
For example: You might say “I am interested in your opinion on a decision I
need to make. When you will be free to talk?” or “Honey our check book balance
is very low. Do you really want to buy that boat now?”.
c.
Begin your conversation with questions that are easily
answered. Then move to open end questions that draws out the other person’s
thoughts and allow him to choose the direction of the conversation. If you want
to know the other persons thoughts or feelings on a subject, avoid questions
that could be answered “yes” or “no.” For e.g. instead of asking “ do you like
your job?” ask “What do you like or dislike about your job?”
d.
Listen carefully to how your questions are answered.
Check tone of voice, rate of speed at which one answers, what
the person actually says, and what
the person implies. This information
will help you to know how the person is reacting to your questions. If your
partner has been “burned” by persons who ridiculed his deep thoughts and
feelings- or simply ignored them-you will need to be patient and first build a
relationship of trust.
Memorize These Surefire Conversation Starters
These can break the ice at a
party and turn boring “small talk” into satisfying dialogue.
- If somebody gives you a crore of rupees, what would
you do with it?
- If you could do any type of work that you wanted,
what would it be?
- If you could be any person whom you know or read
about, in any period of history what it would be?
- What would you like to do or achieve in next five
years?
- What is the best thing you like in your relationship(
with wife/husband/ children etc)?
- Whom do you admire most and why?
- If you won a free ticket to travel anywhere, where
would you go?
- What one achievement you hope your children will
make?
- Why are you in your business? What keeps you at it?
- What motivated you to do this job?
- What is the most interesting thing you like about your
job?
- What in life is really important to you?
- What is your philosophy of life?
- What was the best time of your life?
And the list
goes on…..
Remember Names
The sweetest sound to anybody is
his name.
A SIMPLE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION
- Smile: The people who smile tend to manage, teach and
sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more
information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is more
effective teaching device than punishment. According to the observations
people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.
Shakespeare said “There nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it
so”.
Keep your mind on the
great and splendid things that you would like to do, and then, as the days go
gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the
opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire. Picture in
your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought
you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual….Thought is
supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude- the attitude of courage, frankness,
and good cheer, the think rightly is to create. All things come through desire
and every sincere prayer is answered.
KEEP LEARNING AND KEEP YEARNING
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